Make Sure Your Child is Not a Bully.
I’ve seen many parents deny any possibility that their child could be a bully. But many of those parents have been flamboozled. There was an old TV show called Leave It to Beaver and one of the characters was named Eddie Haskel. Eddie Haskel was the nicest, politest kid around adults and teachers. But when they weren’t around he was the instigator of trouble.
The sneaky bully is a technique used often by people you wouldn’t expect to be a bully. I’ve seen many little kids bug a group of teenagers because they wanted to be included in the teenager conversation. The little one was trying to make the teenagers do what he wanted by bugging them, and bugging them, and bugging them no matter how much the teenagers asked him to leave. Then POW! One of the teens punches the kid in the arm. What’s the little kid say? “Mom their punching me!” He was trying to flex his power to get the teens in trouble because he didn’t get what he wanted. The little kid was the real bully in this situation.
In the town I grew up in, it was always the pastor’s kid who was the wildest teenager. Make sure your kid is not an Eddie Haskel.
Teach Them To Use An Appropriate Level of Response.
Words do not hurt. You may feel hurt but that’s because your own brain is making that hurt feeling. No matter what words a bully uses, the words will not physically hurt you. Therefore it is inappropriate to use physical violence if the other person is just using words.
One caveat: if they are threatening to hurt you, you must take the threat seriously, and take an appropriate action to protect yourself (like leave the situation).
I’ve seen parents so upset that their little darling was called this or that name. The parents stomp around yelling that “It’s not right!”, and yelling about what they are going to do, and who they are going to talk to. But what this teaches their child is “Words Are A Big Deal” and the kids get the hint that they should be emotionally devastated. And that’s what they become, emotionally devastated.
Don’t over react like that. Teach your child how to be resilient to name calling and words. And teach them how to deal with verbal bullies in a calm manner.
Help Your Child To See Their Own Internal Bully and Help Them Find Self-Acceptance.
The worst bully we face is our own brain. It is the bully that calls us the worst things, that convinces us to feel hurt and devastated. It is the one that scares us the most and it is the one that stops us from loving ourselves just the way we are.
Of course all the standards of how we each “should be” that is unabashedly distributed by the media, business, and institutions does not help our children get a balanced view of what real life is like.
The green in your lawn is made of many types of plants. And even each blade of grass is different. And yet the life of each blade of grass (or weed) is just as important as any other blade of grass.
Self-Acceptance is a hard thing to learn. Most adults do not even find it before they die. But self-acceptance is the only sane path to take in life. It makes no sense to listen to a little electrical signal in your computer like brain that tells you to not be happy or to not love yourself, when our primary goal in life is to love and be happy. Love yourself for exactly who you are right now, and help your child to do the same.
Teach Your Child to Make Friends – Even If You Have To Force Them.
There is safety in being part of a tribe of friends. Bullies are less likely to pick on someone that has friends around them. Bullies tend to pick on isolated loners.
As it is in nature so it is at the playground.
One study I’ve heard of showed that an instance of bullying will be stopped in under 10 seconds if other people (Like Friends) speak up to stop the bullying. Teach your child to make friends and to stick up for them.
Help Your Child to Learn Courage to Stand Up for His or Herself.
Courage is the one personal strength that creates all other personal strengths in life. Living your life from fear just makes your life get smaller and smaller, until you are a trapped slave in a cell. Courage to stand up for yourself and the way you want to live, leads to greater freedom and fulfillment in life.
Bullies depend on your fear and inaction for their survival. So quit feeding them that. Help your child to find their courage. Listen, if a little house cat can find the courage to stand up to a bear, your child can learn to stand up to a bully.
Now I’m sorry we don’t have time in an article like this to cover much of what is needed. But UKO Karate will have a Bully Buster class for kids in Kitsap County probably this November. In that class we will go over some of the things above, but we will also cover 5 verbal skills, the five things that tell you when it’s time to take action, and possible actions including working the crowd, and lastly some self defense techniques. And parents are required to attend.
If you are interested in that class you can leave your name and contact information with Janice at our email: ukokarate@wavecable.com. Or call her at 360-871-5454.
This year we will probably ask for a $5 donation to the SK Helpline for you to attend this class.
Hope to See You There!
https://youtu.be/nuoAe-niweo
